I know it is long but please read it and tell me what you think!
So my ex and I were together for almost a year. Because of my religion I will not have sex with a man before we are married. He started talking about what my dream engagement ring was, were I would like to get married, and other big hints that he was going to propose.
Then he asked me if when we got engaged could we have sex, because we both wanted a big wedding that would take at least six months to plan and save for and he didn’t think he could wait that much longer. I told him of course not I needed to be married first because that is what God wanted. He freaked out! He was like I should be more important to you then silly old traditions, and if we are engaged and you will still not sleep with me then that means you really don’t want to be with me. I told him that was far from the truth I did love him and I did want to marry him. But he was so convinced that me not having sex with him meant I didn’t care enough about him so we both agreed to end the relationship.
That was about a month and a half ago. Last week he asked me to go to dinner with him so we could talk about what happened. He took me to the nicest place we have within a half an hour of my small town and he asked if we could get back together. He said he was sorry and he was only excited to start our new life together and he took it a little to far. When I told him I would have to think about it he said “Then let me give you one more thing to think about” and he got down on one knee and pulled out my dream ring (a .75 ct. pear shaped diamond set on a plan white gold band) and asked me to marry him. I cried a little, but told him I needed some time to think.
Now I love him more than anyone else, and he is the first and only man (aside from family) that I have ever loved and I really want to be his wife. But he broke my heart! I was a mess without him, he hurt me worse than I hurt when my grandma died. Should I forgive him for that or should I move on?
Thanks in advance for your help, and please no mean or insulting comments!
Jaded if you wish to post something (even if it could possible inslut me) I think I would love to hear it (if for no other reason than I could use all the advice I can get and not very meany people are answering).
Thank you for your honesty Jaded, even if I don’t agree with you it is nice to know that the people on here are true to themselves.
P.S. I didn’t take the ring, I would never take an engagment ring if I didn’t say “yes” to the marriage. That would be way cruel.
depends on if he’s willing to respect your beliefs. if he still can’t wait it out like you wish..then who cares about a ring? he’ll hurt u again if he can’t respect you. and that’s another thing you need to think about…if he doesn’t believe the way you do on God’s commandments..then that’s gonna bring you two problems in the future. Fix it now or don’t complain later.
give him back his ring and say goodbye. really.
i am not going to insult you by telling you why you should do that, but you really really should break up with him and leave him alone, because if that one conversation was that big of a deal breaker, you are not the girl for him. if that ‘broke your heart’, than, my dear, you are not going to ever be able to face life’s real problems with him. you will bail out. dont do that to him. he sounds like a real prince, you sound unrealistic and immature and a selfish, silly prude to boot. not a good match for him. a future ” chruch lady” full of judgment and ( boring) dammnation.
you asked, that is the answer.
Well it sounds like you love each other, so don’t let one fight ruin everything. I would take him back. After all, once you’re married, you’ll get used to fighting eventually.
Good luck
I think if you feel strong enough to give it another try with him, then that’s fine. But don’t rush into an engagement after you just got back together. Give it some time for you to rebuild your trust in him, and for the two of you to come up with a reason to get married other than him just wanting to have sex. If he can’t understand your reason for not accepting the proposal at this time, then he doesn’t deserve to have a relationship with you and you should move on. At this point I would remain suspicious of his intentions for getting married.
Dissagreements over sex and money are two of the biggest problem areas in marriage (causes of divorce). If you have strong beliefs you need to talk about them before getting married. Depending on how different your views are you may not be able to resolve them, and that is a very good reason for breaking off a relationship before you get married. If he can’t respect your boundaries about sex right now, he’s not going to get any less pushy after you’d be married.
My personal opinion is that how he handled the whole ring thing was very manipulative and that you need to walk away. He will not be your only true love.
About the ‘no sex before marriage’ i am in full agreement. My husband and i agreed on this, and thankfully did wait until we were Mr. & Mrs. before fully exploring this side of our relationship. Its not that either of us were uninformed. We’d both read up, and talked stuff over, even down to some more specific details.
Since we’ve been married i’ve been thinking hard about why i think sex should be kept for marriage. I finally decided that its not about some stiff judgemental rule, atleast not for me. In the protective boundaries of marriage my husband and i are free to enjoy each other without fears of sexually transmitted diseases, we have a strong commitment towards making every aspect of life work including sex (which does take some learning), and i wasn’t worried about dealing with a pregnancy without the support of a husband. Its not that marriage magically makes life work better, but a healthy marriage that both persons are commited to making work is a much more supportive environment for developing sexually.